First Nation issues, Historical Trauma and Self-empowerment strategies

A creative space to share what I am learning on my healing journey

Your work is to discover your work and then with all your heart to give yourself to it. - Buddha
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Coming soon…

Watch for my first book coming out later this month!

“Starblanket”
An Anishinawbe mother’s gift to her son. The Morningstar guides us from darkness into light, Starblanket guides readers to self awareness, one story at a time.

Permissions and use of EarthTALKER intellectual property

I have been mulling over the posting of a “author permission clause” or “use of work” clause since this is an area of my life that is very new. While it may be quite late to post as I am in my second year of blogging, I’ve decided a good opportunity to share teachings related to “sources”

While our communities originally passed our culture on through oral teachings and sharing, I have heard that we ALWAYS acknowledge our sources.
Times have changed. People, however have not. Some still take teachings and incorporate them as their own without acknowledging sources.
Despite the changes, our teachings still persist. Respect. Integrity. Sharing.
Respect the work:
A lot of what is written in the accompanying pages was gained through hundreds (perhaps thousands) of hours in consultation with Elders, friends, in ceremony, meditation and stillness. I share it freely because it may help someone else.
If it is useful to you – GREAT!
Take what you need and leave the rest. Another Elder wisdom :)

It would be great if you would link back to EarthTALKER or quote as “Amy Desjarlais – of EarthTALKER but you don’t have to…your integrity is your own, your karma is your own. Generally, if I have found something useful, I try to support the original source, it’s respectful to the WISDOM, to the individual who shared it, and to the people or community that supports that individual.

If I share a wisdom and generally mention “the Elders” it’s because many people from many different instances share the same notion, not always in the same way but the sentiment is similar.
If a teaching is specific to that Elder and I haven’t heard it somewhere else, I would try quote the Elder specifically, or by place, event, community.
If I learned something through video, audio, website, etc. I also try to link back and mention where I received the inspiration, or source. Sometimes we come across people who came up with similar thoughts, if you find something you’ve written that is similar, let me know and we can also link up. I’d love to share or circulate your messages and teachings too, if you are open to doing so!

Appropriation, Acculturation, Assimilation and Sharing are not synonymous. Use of the words found here and incorporation of these teachings in your life does not entitle you to self-identify as Indigenous, qualify you as “bi-cultural”, or multi-cultural, an Elder, Indian, Native, First Nations or traditional healer. Unless of course, your community has recognized you as such. That being said, we are all on a journey, I appreciate your stopping by.

Sharing these teachings is not a means of “vetting” anyone, or as a conclusive healing program or therapy.
If you are experiencing troubling issues in your life, I urge you to seek an Elder from your area or local therapist in your life who can help you regain balance, and get back on the path.
A work in progress these terms may change slightly from time to time. Always a good idea to send me a note if you aren’t sure about something.
– Miigwetch, and good journey!

I want to crawl away

and hide in some deep dark cave. Maybe I will take my mothers blankets.
Today is one of those days.
I had read about the acronym some addicts use to remember their trigger levels. HALT or Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired. I am not managing well. I have been working mostly unpaid jobs the last little while and putting a last big push on finishing my project. Sometimes I wonder why I am not more worried about money. I feel bad sometimes when I cannot buy stuff for myself or when I think about how to make ends meet. Things seem to have been…fair, enough.
I am slowly putting in place the things I need to make a good start but I feel quite isolated. It’s not a new thing, this isolation. I’ve lived with it my whole life it seems.
So whats up. Well, I feel an impending sense of dred when I think about putting myself out there…in wider community, in the wider world. Parts of me are screaming that i’m not ready. Others are saying, just get it over with.
I understand that supports are there even when I feel bitter or shunned, or isolated. I wonder how many other people feel this way. I wonder how I am going to make a living and I feel so very complex about what I want to do. Isn’t it clear that I just want to help people? Why don’t they just throw money at me and refer me to all of their friends. Haha.
I do my best not to compare myself with other people. But somedays the thoughts are there before i can stop them.

On these days i have to pray very hard. I have to sit down and just let the tears flow. Better in than out I say.
Days like today allow me to sit and contemplate the many blessings I have forgotten. I have the opportunity to sit and take good care of myself.
In some moments the sparkle dies just a bit. It gives us a chance to take stock of our lives and find the areas we need balance. Breathe.
Close your eyes. Some part of me is trying to express herself and I havent been listening. Rather, I have been supressing her voice. Again.
I take a long time to think about things before saying them. Often knowing what I want to say yet too afraid to just say it.
I keep telling myself its not important. But I’m telling myself that I’m not important enough.
Do you recognize these same thought processes? It is a form of passive aggressiveness and fear-based. Just describe what you are feeling. Acknowledge your own self and soon things will start to improve.
I feel sad. It seem like a whole lot of things are going on at once, and its compounded but I’ve made myself a promise. I will do whatever I need to do to ensure my own happiness. I will wake and find my smile. The moment will pass.
The happy isn’t out there anywhere. It is inside…clear away the junk and listen. Quietly observe…shhhhh…





There! Right there! Did you see it?
I did.
Mine came today, when my words helped to brighten someone elses day. I said words they needed to hear.
My heart smiled.
I smiled.
Just that tiny little instant, but I did it. Put goodness and love out and see it ripple out.
Clear the negativity.
See your bliss and live one moment at a time…

Quiet

In the dark still of the night,
whispers reign supreme.
The dead can speak and
hallowed hallways creak.

Ancient mounds tell stories
withered hand creep
Up the wintered walls
as misty midnight falls

Don’t wake the dead
with questions asked
Instead celebrate lived lives
with bounding dancing jives

Death is but another walk
in winters wakeful lands
All souls lean in to hear
jovial laughter near

Do not fear that next land
the dark of night covers
Loved ones dance in joyous rapture
fullest hearts in abundance capture

Dawns first light appears
dances cease and laughter fades
the evening winds to and end
final farewells, with loving thoughts we send…

Building up the community

What an amazing experience this newest project of mine. I’ve been learning so much and I’m so thankful to be part of such a creative and collaborative work.
I’m excited and can see the inspiration flowing.
I have never really seen this part of community, and to be part of a team working together is beautiful.
I am thankful to those who are involved and those that cheer us on. More to come on this project in the days ahead! Stay tuned :))

Wonderment

I wish you happiness, and I wish you joy. I wish you love, for I will always love you. – Dolly Parton

It has been an interesting week. I’ve been reviewing some teachings that have surfaced. I needed to clear more space and let go of things that do not serve my highest purpose.
I can feel my brain expanding trying to accomodate the new learning. I am filled with blessed abundance.
I have come to an understanding about openness. Long ago someone taught me about learning to be open. I found many reasons to hide from the light, and I made a choice I found later I would regret. Openness can be likened to standing on a high precipice contemplating taking the plunge.
Fear will breed in abundance. I did not jump.
Instead, I walked away.
It is something I have come to accept. It took a long time but I do. Reflecting on this experience, I am reminded of a teaching…it’s actually a Rumi quote that my friend introduced me to once. It talks about understanding that we are love at our core. Our job is to clear away the things we’ve used to block love out. As I write this, I feel such a mixture of emotions. I find that I got in my own way. I feel a little sad, a little humbled and yet I feel a great sense of purpose. Abundance. It is overwhelming and I gift it out to the universe.
I am preparing myself…to meet that challenge the next time I find myself at a precipice. As I worked through these teachings, I was shown shadow side and am accepting the things I see there. I was angry for a really long time. I stubbornly held the belief that it was all so UNFAIR. Life was so unfair! I did everything RIGHT, why the hell?? I saw that I had landed myself back into victimhood.
I couldn’t accept my choices and so I relied on things outside of myself to act as the scapegoat. I chose to suffer for a really long time.
Well, enough is enough. Its time to move forward. I made so many promises through my entire life. Promises to be there, to support my love. A devotion. Such loyalty. I wanted someone to make that same devotion, with such passion. I wanted someone capable of telling me how much he cared for me, how he just wants to see me happy. So very happy everyday for the rest of our lives.
I just wanted it all.
Until, I realized I was expecting someone to fill that void.
I wanted all of my needs to be met in the way I needed. I wanted to be loved in the way I wanted to be loved, I wanted it to be met from outside.
When this awareness came, I understood completely. Right then and there I made a promise to myself. I would be the one who would wake up everyday with undying devotion to my dreams. I would spend every day trying to bring a beautiful radiant smile to my face. I decided that I would do what was necessary to fill my life with such abundance and goodness.
I would be there every single minute of every single day living my dreams into creation.
Eventually, I found I needed to invite wonderment back into my life. I NEED wonderment. I NEED MAGIC. So I would create the magic necessary to clear the blockages so when the time comes, I will shine brighter than any sun.

This is what I wish for you too. We spend so much time searching outside. If I can do anything with my life, it would be to make that journey inside a little smoother. A little lighter. But you’re going to have to be willing to do the work. It is a beautiful journey.

Living is so rewarding

I am sitting in my livingroom. Candles lit. Child asleep.
Background noise…softly playing. Soft glow reflecting off the walls. I lived a good day.
A rewarding day. I cried today.
I smiled. I laughed. I enjoyed self-care.
Today I made good decisions. Today I acknowledged the hurt inside. I talked to someone. Today I took a step forward.

Everyday we live a rewarding life. Even more rewarding is noticing your strength inside. The resolve.
I’ve taken another step forward. Living my life is like knowing that I need to do certain things but indulging way too much. My excuse? I deserve it I work so hard. At avoiding. At being lazy, at coming up with more excuses.

I have forgotten my compliments.
I enjoy compliments, since I don’t often hear them I used to schedule it in my calendar “Hello lovely, my what a beautiful smile” :)
Sometimes we need to remind ourselves to be kind to us. Too often I’ve raked myself over the coals, or compared myself to others and found myself lacking.
Too often my brain loves to bring back so many defunct memories to help me cope. It’s tiring.
I have to be vigilant with my thoughts. And loving with myself. Keeping in mind my vision of my brighter future. My vision for my life. Eventually I will love it into being.

I’ve been learning about establishing goals and rewarding good behaviour. Consistency has never been my strong suit but something has got to give. I’ve spent far too much time and energy on other people who never really deserve my precious energy. I give so freely. I am unwilling to leak anymore of this light on things that do not serve my highest vibration.

I am grateful to this over-analytical brain, I am thankful for a day full of renewal. I am thankful and aknowledge all of the good work I’ve been doing for myself. Sometimes we don’t fully give ourselves credit for the way we are changing our stars. Little by little. One day, one moment at a time.

On the land

I went for a walk on the land the other day. It was a place I used to visit when I was young. I am surprised at the shambles the place was in. Junk heaper here and there, old rusty bits lay about. I was sad.
I remember it so much different. As I walked about in the bush, I recall wondering why I never explored that area when I was younger. It was so different than I imagined it would be. The land looked different from this perspective.
It was windy that day and I was close to the water and could hear the sound of the waves as I crunched through the leaves. I imagined what it would be like living out there, on my own. No internet, no wifi, no invisible waves traveling through the air. How could I live my life differently and protect the land I want to inhabit.
Life would be harder, I’d have to work harder. What would I give up. How would I change my life to give the land another chance.
I’ve been thinking about my future a lot lately. Wondering about where my life is heading and continuing to make plans. I shift my thoughts and alter my vibration to it’s highest yet. I have been letting go of a lot of things and each minute I feel more open, more vulnerable and more curious.
I welcome my higher self and dream big dreams.
Perhaps one day my visions of the future will be my reality.
For now I stay present. I continue to remain in the present and think positive thoughts.

Consistency

I’ve noticed the last little while that in many ways, my practice seems to be somewhat lacking.
Sometimes I catch myself in the midst of bad habits. Perhaps I even get bogged down in what I should be doing to worry about actually getting stuff done. I’ve noticed certain things slipping again, and I wonder what the trigger is. Nothing seems to be out of the ordinary. Yet…there is struggle. Today was quiet. A little too quiet but perhaps that’s not such a bad thing. Too often I need stimulation to distract me from my thoughts.
I had a strange dream last night. I haven’t really been sleeping. Perhaps that’s it. Dutiful restful sleep is all I need to get back on track. Eat right, exercise.
I’m tired again. I hear the same tired excuses. I ignore what my body needs. Consistency has never been my strong suit. In order to be consistent you have to know what you need to do and commit to a routine. Schedule, plan and execute.
You have to have conviction.
Unequivocably decide you will do something and forge ahead unwavering. I should be used to this by now. After all, when in my life have I been unwavering. That teaching of discipline…elusive. Once again.
Find that place. Go there. Do what you must. The ego, the body, the thoughts will all fight change. But we must persevere.
It takes 21 days to change a habit. I am fighting complacency. Perhaps that is where my energy has gone. I’ve been fighting myself. Choosing to wage war on my own traitorous thoughts. It has been a number of days since I made a critical decision. I’ve never fought harder for anything than to get a hold of runaway thought patterns.
Yes, that is it. I thought myself lazy, incompetent even. The things we tell ourselves are destructive but even those thought patterns can change.
Now that I understand. I can level the playing field and lower my expectations for myself. I’m not operating at 100 percent efficiency right now. I’m doing the best I can. That’s all I can ask of myself.
Do my best. I’m realizing while I’m more organized now for the sake of my little one. I also need consistency for myself and for the sake of my own organization. If I’m going to teach my son about self-discipline, I’d better be able to teach by example. I’ve started putting appointments in my calendar and remembering to check my schedule before agreeing to something. That’s always important.
I have started to go over my son’s organizer with him as well. I’m learning different ways to express, organize myself so I can teach him. He’s growing up and will need to get himself where he needs to go. Self sufficient. He’s getting there, slowly. So am I. It’s a lot like getting to know yourself and what’s important. Having a clear picture gives you conviction in your priorities.
Projects can get finished. Goals will be achieved. One appointment, one reminder at a time. Write blog post…check!

Harvest time, you reap what you sow…

I facilitated a workshop on Harvest teachings last week. It was wonderful to see the beautiful circle of women sharing together. Some of the things I like to do at this time is to reflect on the year. How have I changed this year? What new learning have I picked up. Fall Equinox, a change of seasons.

This year, more than any other I am witnessing a shift. Individuals being vocal about EVERYTHING from #MMIW Missing and Murdered Indigenous Women, to people hogging bus seats. In this day in age where technology allows us to document every single thought and share it with the world…many unfiltered thoughts are getting sent around the world.

I have never been one for vocalizing the many annoyances but this year, I’ve noticed things have changed. I am clearer about certain things, certain boundaries. And I am loving it. I’m being true to me.

While I will not go into all of the changes, suffice it to say I’m in a new place. I used to create memory books with my family to  gather and express gratitude for the beautiful growing season.

I love this time of year, the beautiful fall colours and crisp, cool air. It’s so refreshing!

Also!

Visit me on twitter tonight as we gather to be thankful for the momentum that the #MMIW is gaining new ground. We gather tonight to discuss how and if we should teach our children about #MMIW. What do you think? What do our children need to  know about this issue, do they need to understand and why? Tune in tonight on twitter 7-8pm #MMIW September 28 @msearthtalker

Momentum

I am feeling very blessed right now. There has been a huge shift in energies for a long time. Mother Earth is changing, and has been changing for some time now. We can feel the changes. I am feeling very blessed at this moment to sit at the edge of equinox and see substantive changes in our humanity as a response. In the same week, well-known UN ambassadors calling on us to change. Feminism includes men and boys, climate change calling on society to become earth conscious…and the story of our prophecies are being shared. Saying, it is time. We are in the time of the Seventh Fire. Two paths lie before us.
It is time to choose.

Our paths have remained separate for long, long time. The newcomers have changed the landscapes of our home.
What will the future look like?
What is the future that we want for our children, and grand children.
All of those questions need to be asked, and examined.
The work of the buffalo is happening once again, their hoof marks replaced by human tracks.
A re-balancing is occurring.

Simulatenously I walk through my life and totter on the edge of imbalance. Working through my own humanity, awakening to a new and heightened sense of instruction.
I have been called to lift out of a very familiar way of being. I’ve grown so comfortable, so complacent with this way of being that I’ve become lazy.
Convinced that this is the way life is, I continue to tell myself lies so I don’t have to change.
And yet, I hear whispers from within urging me up…out of my complacency. I feel something calling me to my path in this life, and that path does not resemble anything I know.
And I drag my feet.

I became aware recently that I have allowed myself to ruminate, once again. I did not let go completely, and in not doing so, I swam in the sludge of my own making. There have been many reminders lately of the work I must do. Though I know this time i need help getting there.
I reached out today, and I will continue to reach out because everything inside of me is telling me that I am worth it.
Everything inside of me is telling me that i must do what ever it takes, I must dig deeper than I have ever been in order to find that peace within.
Everything inside of me is telling me that I am not alone. Slowly, the world outside is shifting and the messages are starting to line up.
Positive messages from friends and loved ones letting me know they support me, kindnesses and smiles from strangers.
I am feeling so very blessed to be riding the wave of change. It is a momentum that will sweep all we know aside and re-create something so beautiful we cannnot even imagine it.
We must continue to pour our most postive, loving energy into all we do, and think, and create. For all that we imagine will come to fruition with our most loving thoughts.
Peace, love & light…