Starblanket eBook available now!

Starblanket: A Mother’s Gift to Her Son available at Amazon and Kobo!

What happens when a Mother’s biggest worry is that her son will bear the burden and blame of a society who do not know how to Respect, or Honour Indigenous women?

“Starblanket -A Mother’s Gift to Her Son” – is a collection of stories about Spiritual Awakening, Motherhood and Healing.
When family bonds are grown from traumatic events a child-of-trauma is born. Starblanket follows the journey of an Indigenous woman facing herself as a child-of-trauma and seeking identity, self-respect, and self-love. A single-mother, she struggles to raise her son alone in one of the biggest cities in the world. Her small family faces ever-encroaching societal pressures of Capitalism, Materialism, and Conformity which contradict the Indigenous values she tries to instill.

“Starblanket” honours the Indigenous child and the family as ancient teachings of love and understanding are slowly reclaimed. As the Morningstar guides us from darkness into light, Starblanket guides readers to self awareness, one story at a time.
Amazon!
http://www.amazon.ca/Starblanket-Mothers-Gift-Her-Son-ebook/dp/B00RC2XHDQ/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1419859797&sr=1-1&keywords=starblanket

Print copies available at the Cedar Basket Gift Shop

Thursday thoughts: The sound

Innocent enough collection

Earth and fire transformation

Slight movement

And the sound…

Teleportation 

The child, barely old enough to stand

Crying alone in the chaos

Loud, raucous shadows, 

demon soaked zombies

The silence descends…

And the woman stands staring,

“Not the same” she reminds herself, 

Earth and fire transformation

An Innocent collection

The sound is dead, but the echo never ends….

EarthTALKER in the ‘Sound

This weekend was very interesting. I have been increasingly aware how long I’ve been away from my former homelands. 

I hosted a workshop there, and my sister and niece were the only ones in attendance. I had some ego murmurs but I forged ahead anyway. I wondered about the work I have been asked to do…spirit moves me to share Intention. So I do. 

I feel invisible when I go home. Perhaps it’s because I was a ghost when I was there. Quiet. I’ve been gone a long time. And, honestly…not much interests me. I have a lot to learn about creating relationships. And getting out of my comfort zone. I left Wasauksing because there seemed to be more to explore out here in the world. Except, I haven’t really explored. Huh.

This work is about the people choosing you. Apparently, the people have not spoken…it takes time to build relationships, support, and love. I don’t offer much to my home. I don’t really have ny friends at home. Once upon a time, maybe I did. Maybe. But it’s been a long time, and a lot has happened.

Today, as I taught to a dozen empty seats, I felt the room filled with the unseen. The work went ahead. The work I am called to do. 

We called the light of universal love, bathed ourselves in it. We gave ourselves permission to be ourselves, and, we washed the land in the brilliance that is Universal love. The intention is sent out into the land, and out into the universe. 

The people didn’t ask for this…though I offer, freely and demand nothing in return…if they choose to support me…great. If not, the work is done. After the workshop, I asked spirit for guidance on the outcome and was blessed with positivity.  

Activation has happened. I am celebrated by the unseen and unheard…I am reaping the rewards of inner reflection and connection, yet I continue to be challenged to find love and compassion for others and myself, and I am presented with the challenge of connecting to ancestral spirit, guidance, and connection…there is more work to be done.

I was telling my sister that I feel strongly connected to the idea of clearing the land and restoring her vibration….the land needs healing…heal the land and the people shall prosper…spirit says…

Well…perhaps one story at a time…collect the stories, do ceremony, wash the land in brilliant golden white light…let her know we care enough to release the hidden pockets of grief, rage, horror, pain, sorrow, and hopelessness…

Call the light and invite it in…Even though I don’t know the people very well…the land remembers me…there will be time to connect with my relatives there…when the time is right…

Integrity and the Fire snake

Life is short. Too short for some.

I’ve spent a lot of time ruminating about lost love, grief over horrible relationship choices, and more recent losses too personal to share here. Somewhere along the line of abusive, neglectful, disrespectful, and strange relationships with everyone in my life…siblings, parents, children, nieces, nephews, and even cousins. I’ve encountered the truth of the matter. The connecting factor in all of these relationships – is me.

I’ve also learned recently that because I love to ignore spirit. I distance myself when I need to run into loving arms. I sit alone when other need my warmth and loving grace. I fight my own intuition, and disbelieve in my own sacred gifts. Because I’m used to huge tsunami like lessons, that is what comes. Pain.

I’m tired of pain.

I’m tired of ruminating.

I’m ready for the good life. I’m ready for goodness, and respect, and love. I’ve heard these things require bravery. Honesty. I’m walking through the fire, and it’s cleansing away all of the things that no longer serve me.

I went home recently. I was faced with a situation that caused me great distress. I wondered about integrity. I questioned many of my beliefs and teachings. In the end. I found that it is up to me to maintain the integrity of my actions, and ensure others know without question how I need to be treated. I’ve always prided myself on being selective when it comes to partners. I’ve heard recently that I am a powerful woman, perhaps this energy is intimidating for some men. Maybe I also come off arrogant too which may turn women away from friendship.I’ve reflected on these qualities, let go of people that I’ve been holding onto hope for…something. Energy that is wasted. Instead of being in the moment, I’ve been stuck in my head searching for how to be less intimidating, more warm and open, giving, loving, kind, generous. I’ve been running myself ragged trying to be something for everyone. The truth is I don’t care what other see in me. Not a bit. I have been facing my abusive, controling, insecure, and nasty dark corners. It’s time to believe in me.

It’s time to coach myself, support me, to fully love every inch of my sacred vessel. Every deep, dark and nasty secret. Every passionate, titilating desire, every piece of my soul unreclaimed needs to be loved into being in the light. After all of the pain of this year. I figure my life of interity, my level of integrity in this life time is mine to walk. I keep expecting others to live up to my standards. They’re only human. lol. I’m slowly accepting there may never be anyone that can rise to my life standards. I’ve spent my whole life inspecting, re-inspecting and perfecting each movement, thought, action, word, sound and intent. My conscientiousness would not allow less than the “right” action for every moment. It still does not let up.

I’ve finally reached that place. Up until now my life has been hard. Here on out…it’s life. And life, is grand. My life is always beautiful, loving, warm and exciting. My life is an adventure. A beautiful journey that is all my own to create, to dedicate to the people. I can inspire. I can desire. I can live it all for me. I can also give myself permission to just live.

I really enjoy astrology, learning more about what “makes me tick” and the influences in my life have helped me to understand certain nuances and become comfortable in my own skin. The fire snake has done that for me. It is a powerful symbol, and powerful ally and is connecting me to an energy that I have needed for a long time. I am grateful for all of the experiences up until now…they have made me who I am today. I am grateful for the light inside, ready to shine and bring joy, allow joy, be joyful. I’m ready to enjoy this life. There are so many wonderful things to experience, so many lovely people to meet, so much life to live. I give myself permission to enjoy it all.

 

 

 

Limbo

This place…

Strange. 

Unfamiliar, new and foreign…

The landscape, the spirits surrounding…

tell a tale, only I can hear…

The story contains the clues…

“Stay awake my love, eyes wide open, the transformations, the transitions, the translucidity…”

“You see it don’t you? The light. You’re stronger now…”

The pain endured. And I awakened to this dimension.

“Not so close…” She says to the whispers out there in the void.

“Not a chance” She says to no one.

They continue to try anyway…

I observe…

This story is familiar in some respects. 

Her reactions and responses, remain the same…but something is different…something has changed…

Now, the story ends…and in the silence, I exist…in limbo. In space…floating.

But I remember the story…and the wisdom contained within. 

Paying attention, staying alert, and invite the goodness…earned…resting….

Present…

A warrior’s way

Tonight as I reflect on the events of my life. I contemplate the warrior’s way. I seek what our ancestors knew…protect your family at all costs. Protect your homelands. Value all life as sacred. War is  the last resort.

I started martial arts to learn how to protect myself and my son. A single mother alone in a big city. Smart.The more I sit with the teachings I find that my physical being needs to catch up with my spirit. I am learning to speak my mind. Words too, are weapons. I have sheathed my most powerful weapons with kindness even when I knew I needed to let loose my blade in defense of myself and my own spirit.

Yet, I stood there…frozen. Holding tightly to my kindness.

I used to think that if I lashed out intentionally, I would hurt someone…and my conscientiousness would not allow another person to be hurt by my hand…even if they deserved it. On the other hand, my abusive tendencies, unconscious, innate also leads me to lash out on the innocent, defenseless and often loved ones in my life…there is remorse. And resolve to end those ways…

I know these energies are within me. I have never physically struck another person in anger…at least, not in a long time. She reminds me about it all the time. I was ten or eleven. I hit my niece with my cabbage patch doll. Hard. She cried.

I am learning a self defence technique to help me protect myself, and am taking a break right now. Although in class, we practiced gentleness at the same time, the movements we learned in class were vicious and deadly. We do not compete. In many ways I feel uncertain of my growth using this format. So I shy away from practicing the art. Afraid to take the necessary steps to become strong.

I watched my father abuse my mother, and I saw how she just took it. Over and over again, until she finally left.

I swore I would never allow any man who says he loves me – to hit me. None ever have. At least not with their hands but with their words, their energy, their disrespect, their dishonouring of my spirit…I took this abuse and said nothing. It seemed different than the treatment I witnessed at home growing up. So I said nothing.

I’m tired of remaining silent. I’m tired of taking abuse. I’m tired of being afraid. It’s funny – fear. I was always afraid that if I stood up for myself then my love would leave and I would be alone. I never saw that I was better off without them anyway. I’ve been alone a long time. Being alone is not so bad.

I have asked my martial arts teacher to train me to compete. For some reason, my path is about feeling the impact of my punch. I need to know the pain that is training. The pain of defeat. I need to grow, to push myself to the absolute limit. But I haven’t followed through on that request.

I was thinking about all the reasons I stopped going to my martial arts class. Tonight, I realized that it wasn’t because I was afraid of hurting someone. I stopped because I was afraid that if I hit someone, and hurt them, that I would like it. I would like it so much that I wouldn’t be able to stop. I’m not that person…

That, is also the nature of fear. So tonight, I decided to set aside the fear and make good on my request. This path requires discipline. I think I lacked the necessary drive to continue my training…that is until I met someone who taught me pain.  Now, that lesson is what drives me. Knowing that I will never accept that kind of treatment from anyone…ever again.

I reflect on the warrior’s way. Protect myself from harm? Put myself in harms way to protect those I love. It is also to speak my truth. Something I’ve never been good at. Except, I’ve finally reached the end of my rope. Thankfully.

The war between kindness and conscientiousness has ended. Both of these parts of me are agreed: authenticity is where I’m at. Regardless of how uncomfortable I am, or how uncomfortable others are…verbalizing intentions is one step. Now, I need the courage and conviction to stand by my words. I need to stand by myself…

Full circle

I met her almost twenty years ago. Briefly, we helped one another through an academic journey and then she was gone…only to return a few years later…a godsend. Her counsel, her encouragement seemed indispensable. She was my rock. She still is…my best friend. It seemed like she knew so much, her wisdom and experience helped me to gain confidence in my own journey, and for that I am truly grateful. She was there when it seemed no one else was. And she knows who she is. 

Now it is my turn. To be there, to be the sounding board, to listen and provide encouragement as others take that journey inside. The journey to themselves, to their own spirit, to awaken to a consciousness only they know the real answers to the questions they are asking. I am also thankful for this new experience. To be the guide, or maybe even a witness as needed. So many years after starting my journey and now I am seeing some small chance to giveback to add my energy to the mix, what a wonderful feeling of completion. Of well being, to know that in some small way I can help someone shine just a little brighter. It is even that little bit more grounding for me…to know and understand that I have some small contribution to give. I am so thankful. 

Teaching, and giving support after having relied so heavily on my own teachers for so long, is a very rewarding feeling. I can see myself in some of the faces now…and I remember being in a similar space those long years ago. 

I am smiling and reflecting on all of the hard work it took to get to where I am today. With such an innate send of conscientiousness and spirituality to help me to be a good person…I was fortunate to find gentle teachers to help me forward…hopefully and with great care, I can be that for someone else needing a gentle presence…tonight…such abundance and gratitude…

Give me something to live for

Ok. So I have a penchant for drama. Why not. I am a passionate being. For most of my life I’ve allowed my emotions to rule. To lead. To drown out my guiding spirit. Now? I find balance. New passions and old habits.

This past week I picked up a new skill. A creative outlet, and for the longest time this activity – loom beading seemed a daunting skill to acquire. And yet, I found myself in front of a loom. Patient teachers, and encouraging words helped me move forward. Two hours later, I came away with a finished product, and renewed confidence in myself. I found that I really enjoyed the atmosphere. Creativity, conversation, laughter, and sharing. I’ve left that space behind, yet the memory created in those passing moments I shall always carry with me.

I find myself drawn to my loom. Sitting in my home, I’ve poured over my beads, searched out new patterns and exciting colour schemes. I’ve printed bead paper so I can pour out my creativity in colour, shades, and patterns. I’ve finally found something that I truly love doing. I am excited about the colours, shapes, patterns that form through meticulous movement of my multi-coloured pens. Dot after dot, the pattern takes shape.

I’ve found an application that will allow me to pick out base colours in a natural setting and re-create the visual I want. I look around me and see loom patterns. I’m EXCITED about life. This has never happened to me before. Not since…I heard the drum all those years ago. I smile to myself as I think about the moment I walked down the street this afternoon and I saw only inspiration in the leaves, the clouds, the flowers and the vines surrounding me.

Tonight I am so grateful for this new found passion and I can’t wait to start creating. I am excited to go bead shopping. To create. Already, my son is excited for me. Video game inspired patterns, shapes and colours also provide endless fun. Something we can do together. A new skill, a family activity. So much great fun just waiting for us. I can feel this strange excitement in the pit of my stomach. I’ve picked up something new. And…as I do, I say goodbye to an entire way of being. I say goodbye to rumination. I say goodbye to attachment. I say goodbye to insecurity. I’m working my way toward freedom. What a long process, a life long process but I no longer feel as if it is futile. A grey expanse of experience. Now, I see colours, so many beautiful colours everywhere. And many patterns, inspired by all of the life around me. Just waiting in the ether…waiting for life. For me to breathe life into them…what exciting times! What an opportunity!

Not your approval

Elastisicity, Electricity, Eclecticity, Eccentricity

Awakened again, the lover turned inward.

Attachments, attacking, alkalinity, affinity

Neediness and greediness the theme of the week.

Insights, insider, incisions, inclusion

Writing the guide and awareness abound.

Seeking, seer, silently, solemnity

She sees her tendrils reaching out, reclaiming

Approval, Appraisal, Attention, Adoring

Cutting cords, her power flashes brightly

Inspirational, Sensational, Enlightened, Empowered

She needs not your approval, nor your attention.

You were the guide. The teacher. The messenger.

Message received.

Moonlight water

Tonight, I was reminded of many things from my childhood. As I sat by the water, reflection became more than just brilliant moonlight nights. 

As I paddled to my destination, I was grateful to know a canoe song to sing as we worked our way northward across the lake.

I was grateful for a childhood where I grew up on the water. Beautiful, clear blue nibi lapped at the sides of our jiimaan (canoe) as we paddled. It has been many, many sun kissed summers since I paddled a canoe…yet, when I stepped into the boat and pushed off of shore…the confidence wrought from many, many trips with my mother and father rushed back and I was joyous.

I am good at something. I know what I am doing…enough to be confident as we moved forward. As we paddled, marveled at the magestic beauty surrounding me. Completely at awe with the familiar sound of the water leaving my paddle, and the responding dip as I pushed out jiimaan forward.

Under a moonlight night, I hear the song of the water lapping against the shore. I hear the chorus of the wind in the boughs of the white pines, and the quiet murmur of excited young voices enjoying the late evening atmosphere.

Today, out here on the land. I am reminded of the pristine beauty of life. Surrounded by the essence of life at the peak and fullness of summer. Aapta-niibini Giizis, we are now halfway through summer and what a beautiful moonlight night this is…I am so filled with gratitude, love, and light. Chi miigwetch Gzhe manidoo. 

Pride of ages 

I walk alone down these empty hallways,
In the night.

Hollow faces stare as I pass. 

The magestic folds of my gown flow like water behind me,

the soft scent of lightening a quickening in my absence.

You know me.

Tall and aloof, and towering beyond the wretched,

none of them see.

I am a ghost before I am dead.

Marionettes without strings retelling the same lies,

Scripted, sculpted, and choreographed the laughter echoes.

You see…

In a world full of the unseeing, I become alive.

I become.

I feel you in the evening wind,

I feel you in the space between moments. 

Wintering here in the unknown…a storied tale spins unyielding, unending…a Universe within a Universe…

I become.