Ok. Maybe I didn’t think this through. I jumped. I didn’t look where I was jumping. I didn’t really care to look, or think about it, much less plan. All I knew is that I had some hugely creative projects that were slowly dying inside, and I needed an exit. Fast. So I jumped. Passion, and creativity have brought me forward. Unfortunately that’s not the only thing that you need. Eventually, you need a plan. A good one. It also pays to NOT have a chip on your shoulder where money is concerned. Ok. It pays to welcome abundance in any form.
One thing about the vast majority of choices I have made in the last year is that many of the choices come from a place of avoidance, disdain, judgment and just plain feelings of superiority which is interesting because I am dirt poor right now. Haha. I have noticed though that my creative cycles just keep coming. Mostly in waves. Constantly ebbing and flowing. Over the past year I’ve written, illustrated, and translated not just one, but two Anishinaabe Manga. I’ve written, and published my first book. I’ve released a 3 single EP dedicated to water. I’ve designed, and completed two full regalia. One for my son and one for myself. I’ve written many pieces now published online. I’ve also written another piece that is soon to be published. and I’ve established my very own Reiki studio. So…why am I still not making any money? Simple. You can’t look down your nose at wealth and expect someone to hand you a bag full of money.
There are so many more projects just waiting to be released from their place in the ether. If I could establish, and carry out these projects without cash money. I’d be so happy. The reality is, that creativity is expensive. There are some cost cutting and community building ways to get the job done, such as collaboration and partnership. But, in the end. You need funds to create. I have learned this the hard way. Always the hard way.
I come from a very large family. We aren’t very close, and last year I had a run in with a sibling. Actually a couple of them. The lesson? We’re not here to take care of you, or pick up after you, or dig you out of your messes. Get up and do it yourself. It was a hard lesson, but being the youngest, I think I found myself relying on them. On some family member or on someone to save me from myself. In the end, you’ve got you. And, I have had myself, this whole time. My creative self, and the stubborn one standing in the corner seeing generosity as a handout. I don’t need handouts thank you very much.
I don’t need your pity. Humph! (arms crossed defiantly)
I’ve confronted the history of communities and families constantly being on the run from government soldiers, never being able to rest. Finally, wearily and resigned…agreeing to settle on reservations. Agreeing to Treaty. I’ve confronted the slowly eroding sense of personal responsibility, self determination, and pride that comes from being self sufficient, and self sustaining to being dependent. I’ve confronted the fact that I don’t even know how to grow my own food to keep from starving should the economy every collapse. And I’ve done nearly everything I could to keep from going to the local food bank to feed my family. I could never stoop that low. Not again.
You see, my trust in the system was eroded after an experience that left me pondering just how far the “powers that be” would go to protect their interests. After my account was frozen just to “get my attention” I began to mistrust. I began to equate power with money, and misuse of power with money, and corruption with money. But the thing I learned recently is that it is all intertwined with wealth and abundance. All of it. Judging wealth, and money is to judge abundance as well.
Ohhh. I always choose the hard path. I’d rather starve than risk taking a hand up. Such pride. I’m not sure why I’ve always taken the hard path. It seems that to me, taking the easy path is for cheaters, and low lifes. No. I don’t think the Creator had meant for life to be so hard. The teachings talk about Mother Earth continuously giving. That everything that we’ve ever needed is here. How then, am I supposed to partake of it?
I don’t know how to hunt. Nowadays, hunting and providing for my family means that I learn how to network really well and get jobs singing, or facilitating workshops. I have to learn where the game is, aka where do my skills fit? Now I gather at the local watering hole called “Employment and Training” until a big buck comes my way. Or many $$ bucks. So far, I’ve found that the younger, quicker hunters get the jobs. er. Bucks.
With all of the pressure to get out there and be a good provider, my creative cycle ebbs. Slowly my confidence wanes. I start believing I don’t know anyone that would hire me or refer me and the jobs dry up. Suddenly. Painfully aware that the hard way is once again the path I’ve chosen.
Well, here it is again. I’ve come around full circle. From a high, where there were lots of jobs and referrals to being very distracted by all the free time. I’ve spent this time praying, and asking for pity. Facing my prideful nature and standing in humility. In supplication. On the floor, I finally see myself that prideful, haughty wealthy person kicking the dirt poor. And I loved her. Completely. I have to release everything I ever knew about abundance, wealth and money. None of those things serve my highest purpose.
I see other people getting jobs, prestigious, honorable jobs and where I was once jealous, envious. I am now determined. One day. I will be there too. With abundance. Loving, kind, and generous as always. And a good plan, that includes the Creator. I still want to create. I’ve been searching a long time for my love. My passion. I also found that creativity requires discipline. The refinement that allows that passion to shine it’s brightest. I’ve come back around to the planning cycle. Faltered, fell, and now I share that journey. Slowly sauntering out of the haze. I reacquaint myself with the beginning of the cycle and I prepare my hunter bundle. Even hunters have to learn the lay of the land, find the deer runs, walk the trails before offering their saama and asking for Creator to have pity. Asking for that animal to sacrifice their life so the family can eat. I search. I learn the lay of the land. I find the bounty, walk the trails. I offer my saama and ask Creator for pity. In humility, I ask for wealth and abundance, for the kindness to share with me so I can feed my family…I create, shine and attract abundance in all forms.