Grief and grieving.
I read a book a few years ago. It changed the way I look at grief.
One of the sayings I was left with, I’ve carried with me everyday since reading it.
The authors said that “We are taught how to acquire things, not what to do once we lose them.”
There are myths regarding grief, the ones that resonate with me the most are: Don’t feel bad, Replace the loss (we will get another dog) minimize it (it’s not that bad), or be strong for so and so.
The grief recovery handbook taught me how to recover from grief. I learned some actions I can take to do just that…cause no matter how I look at it, if I don’t do SOMETHING time WON’T heal all.
It’s up to me to find my way through…and some days…all I can do is sit with the grief and just grieve.
I’ve been especially sad the last little while and I wondered what was happening to me. I’d been doing so good at dealing. Why now? Well perhaps because this month is fraught with anniversaries.
I called my best friend and cried over the phone…she kindly pointed out that this month is especially difficult…and that I had said so myself, not that long ago.
I was at work and felt like crying. I was talking to my other friend yesterday and cried, I was sitting down to dinner and I felt like crying. Tonight my son and I were chatting and I stopped almost mid-sentence. My Dads birthday is less than a week away.
So…What do I do now? I had known growing up, that I would be young when my parents pass. Now that time is here. My parents are both gone, they are irreplaceable, and it IS that bad. They are the only parents I have ever known, and I don’t have to be strong for so and so!!!! The truth of the matter is, it hurts. I HURT. The thing that gets me to the next moment is NOT that someday it won’t hurt as much…but that it will. No matter how long I live, I will miss my parents. That grief is a testament to the bond we shared while they were here. It is a testament to being human. And it’s all ok.

It is through my hurt and pain that I will seek the connection I need to find myself in all of the hurt. I will use the tools I have learned to identify, pin point and express the hurt I feel…through writing, song, art, dance…every tool I have at my disposal, because NOT doing so, is harming to me. and I love myself far too much to inflict more pain on myself.

Since moving to Toronto, talking with Elders…I have learned of the seven healing medicines. talking, crying, singing, dancing, sweating, laughing, and praying
As I walk through the pain, I focus on the next healing medicine that will help me express that feeling. I connect.
Healing is what matters now. I understand now, that I have what I need to take me through the rest of my life. And so I honour my parents, and in doing so, I honour myself.
Live with the pain, Heal the hurt and find Peace.


2 thoughts on “Grief

  1. S.Amy.Desjarlais says:

    The song just came back to me this week…I have one for mom & dad that came this past summer…it talks about that place where they are…like there is a two way mirror between us now…I can only see myself but I feel them just on the other side – with us…watching over us…and I can really live again…knowing they are still there with me. I’m still working on it…I have pieces of it but its not finished yet.


  2. shelley brant says:

    I just thought of this…Have you ever thought about doing a song for your mother and father either together or seperately????? I bet that would be healing to work on it and everytime you sing for them…i think it would be a great way to honour their memory…love ya….xoxooxox


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