About a girl

I was watching a movie today about a girl whose step sisters read private emails to a secret love infront pf the whole school. Humiliation.
I recall a similar memory from childhood. Grade six and I was so in love with a sweet boy in my class. I wrote
about him incessantly. I don’t know what ever possessed me to take my diary to school but I did.
That day, my most horrible nightmare was realized. My private, most inner thoughts were being voiced out loud for the entire class, and my love, to hear. I tried to get the book back but the boy who stole it held it aloft and I could not reach it. Humilated, I ran out of the class crying.
I don’t know where the teacher was or how I got my diary back. Perhaps my best friend retrieved it for me. All I remember was feeling exposed, and violated.
What little boundaries I’d had were once again violated.
I’ve been meditating on boundaries lately as things seemed to have greyed up again in a number of areas. As my best friend reminded me, I have to speak up of if I find myself uncomfortable. Often, I find it difficult to realize if a boundary is being trampled…mostly because I’m trying to rationalize it.
I have to stop doing that. If I’m uncomfortable, that means a boundary has been entered.
I don’t have to have words or explain why.
I do owe it to myself to say something.
I didn’t realize it then but an ex did that too, read my diary when I wasn’t around.
While it seems trivial, it is not. This is a clear violation of privacy. In relationships people deserve and need to keep things private. Nothing that is in the realm of relationship but having your own private space is healthy. It creates individuality. Respecting that right to privacy is something that partners can use to demonstrate their integrity. Their respect for you.
Allowing you to have your own thoughts, to yourself. It’s a great sign of trust and love.
It took a long time for me to forgive that boy who read my diary. But when I was finally able to do it, I felt so much better I was able to heal the hurt from that humiliation.
Our words are so powerful. Putting them together so others can read our innermost thoughts is, challenging.
What I’ve often found is that it is powerful and necessary. For writer and readers alike.
I’m sure no one remembers that time, everyone in my class has moved on with their lives, grown up, grown apart.
Such a small moment in time, but a huge teaching for me.
Inconsequential. Now,I think I’d be able to laugh it off. Silly things that happen to a pre-teen. Kind of like that series Diary of a wimpy kid, I can totally sympathize. That’s what life is all about? Surviving the awkward stages, laughing at yourself and letting go of the craziness.
Sometimes we take ourselves so seriously. Perhaps these times are meant to test our sense of humour?


4 thoughts on “About a girl

  1. Amy says:

    Boundaries and lack of them create the opportunity to explore our “selfness”. As the author of the book “Boundaries” Anne Katherine says it helps us define “where you end, and I begin.” Interesting enough, mental and emotional boundaries are as necessary as physical boundaries but far less obvious. Thank you for reading and taking the time to comment so thoughtfully.


  2. Amy says:

    It took me a long time to be able to see the humour in this experience, and be able to laugh it off. Thank you for taking the time to comment.
    And, yet that was the movie in question. lol


  3. dawnkwe says:

    I totally believe in that respectful boundary with partners and friends! I don’t ask my partner for his e-mail passwords, that’s his own business. Once when he asked me to check something I felt so weird logging into his account after he gave me the password. That’s his space, and I have mine. Nothing to hide, but we are both allowed that private space šŸ™‚ Miigwech for sharing.

    And that story about having your diary read aloud…..shudder worth when you’re young, eh? I had an old roommate actually read mine and leave me a note in it…ack!!! I learned to hide my diary elsewhere real quick after that..lol!!


  4. Livia says:

    Was the movie by any chance ‘A Cinderella Story’? šŸ™‚ Events like that are only meant to enhance our resiliency, and as you said, test our sense of humour. After all, I’ve also come to the conclusion that school is a mini mirror of our society, whether it be elementary or high school… any event should only be taken as seriously as to help one grow to understand love. We can laugh at the rest… ^^


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